My Whole Family Wants to Be There When My Baby Is Born Reddit
Parents Who Regret Having Children Are Making Anonymous Confessions Online, And It'south Taboo But Important
"I don't like being a mom."
People who've regretted having their children are anonymously sharing their stories in a viral thread on Reddit. And though the conversation may seem taboo, it's helping many parents and children who are navigating this heartbreaking situation feel a niggling bit less solitary.
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The chat started when Reddit user u/SniperGlizzy posed a question to parents of the internet: "What is information technology like to accept children you don't desire?"
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Here are some of the height-voted responses:
ane. "I beloved my kids, and I'm told I'k a pretty good dad, and sometimes I enjoy it, but most of the time it'due south just draining. I understand that there are people out at that place who savor spending time with kids, just similar there are people who enjoy talking to strangers — and suffice it to say, I'm but not one of them."
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two. "I accept custody of my brother'due south kids. I didn't want them. I already have one of my own. My brother's kids are not as well behaved as my children. It is very frustrating. I love them. I volition protect them and have care of them. I observe myself very upset past the fact that I just can't seem to love them equally much every bit my children. It'southward depressing. I detest myself considering I feel this style. I endeavor so hard not to allow my nieces and nephews meet that I struggle with this. Just kids are smart, and I know they pick up on it."
—u/throwthisaway712
3. "I take a son I didn't want. His female parent treated me terribly when we were together, and we only plant out she was significant later on nosotros separated. Beingness able to finally escape an abusive relationship, simply to be pulled back in with pregnancy, was devastating. That being said, my son and I accept an incredible bond, and whilst my relationship with his mum never recovered, I am glad she fabricated the decision to keep him (against my wishes)."
—u/jonsynthetica
4. "I don't similar being a mom. I'one thousand a single mom and they are with me e'er; I never get a break. Ane adult, three kids...I'm tired. I am counting the days until they are all moved out and gone. I constantly imagine how bully my life would be without them. So I feel like a horrible person considering who thinks like that? I'm such a skillful mom to them too; no 1 would ever judge I think like that. I'grand a false."
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5. "I dear my kids. I would dice for them. Merely after having them, I realized I don't want to have any kids. I can't seem to enjoy them. I'thousand as well serious with them. I think it'southward because I have to make sure they grow upwardly to be good people. I'one thousand responsible for them. I wish I could savor them, simply I have a hard time getting out of my seriousness."
—u/lady_A_16
half dozen. "I don't feel similar a mom, I experience like a caregiver. I get little joy in taking care of my daughter, and I am constantly worn downwardly. I'm exhausted. This pandemic has destroyed what little sanity I had left, equally I can't fifty-fifty get a modest break because there's no school."
—u/floralsquid
7. "It prepare the tone for the rest of my life, one of those 'hindsight is xx/twenty' things. I honestly believe that if I'd never had a kid, particularly when I was as young and alone as I was in a very socially astern expanse, I'd have fabricated a lot more of myself. Both of our lives could have been a lot better had I either waited to have her or allow another couple adopt her, as I wanted, but I was forced out of the selection."
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8. "I have 3. I actually thought I wanted kids because that's what I thought I was supposed to do: be a wife and accept kids. I love them, and I want the best for them. But I don't accept the aforementioned connection to them that other moms seem to accept. I don't miss them when I have to become on a long trip. I just feel relief. Having them home considering of the pandemic has been really hard for me. I have a lot of guilt virtually information technology. Even though I'grand surrounded by family, it feels pretty damn lonely. I don't feel similar I belong in my own life."
—u/ChristiOnionstrings
9. "It's similar having some guests at your firm that never, never get around to leaving for years, but you must accept care of them to avoid getting into trouble and judged by others."
—u/deepstatetraitor
10. "I've honestly idea most this question before. My son (fourteen months) was planned, and he is incredible, absolutely a calorie-free in our lives. On the other manus, I was super ill the entire pregnancy, depressed and struggling up until a few months ago. At present, this was made worse past two moves (armed services) and COVID, of course, but I never, ever want to do this once again."
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xi. "My husband and I have been raising my niece for three and a one-half years. My niece is almost xvi now. I'm 29 and I feel similar I gave upward my fun and carefree years to raise my sister'south kids. I've always dreamed of having my own children, and at present that I'm struggling to conceive, I can't aid but feel resentful that I'm raising ane of my junkie sister's six salubrious children. Overall, my niece is a practiced kid. I dearest her and I want her to do well in life, but she doesn't feel like she'south our kid, and she doesn't call back of us when she thinks about who her parents are."
—u/V4ult_g1rl
12. "My ex-hubby was emotionally abusive and, if I'grand being completely honest with myself, forced me into getting pregnant 3 months later I went into labor and lost our daughter at xx weeks. I wasn't set, and I hadn't really had a risk to grieve. Our son was 13 weeks early, spent two months in the NICU, and cost over $1 million in his first year. At present my son is almost 7, his 'male parent' hasn't been in the moving-picture show for years, and until recently, I was doing it all on my own."
—u/MassiveConflict2465
13. "My ex-girlfriend baby-trapped me. She stopped taking her nascency control and didn't tell me. Then cheated on me while significant. At that point, I wanted nothing to do with her and was not prepared to exist a father. I was young and dumb and still learning who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. She gave me the option to walk away and never come across the kid again. I idea about information technology only couldn't bring myself to; knowing my kid was out there was going to counterbalance heavily on my conscience."
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xiv. "My girlfriend had a 2-year-sometime when I met her. He's 5 now. I didn't plan to have kids, only I love her. I'm pretty much used to information technology. I teach him stuff and he'southward fastened to my hip when he'southward here, but ideally, I'd take preferred not to accept a child effectually. Never actually said that out loud — this is liberating."
—u/Dewy_Wanna_Go_There
xv. "Yous hate them, and y'all hate yourself for antisocial them."
—u/Whalesftw123
16. "Being a single mum with a kid stuck with me; it just feels similar an obligation to me. I do love my kid, for sure. Only I don't actually feel the 'bond' or the wishy-washy mum-son connection that other parents depict. Sometimes I envy those parents. Maybe because the pregnancy was unplanned, or maybe because of how terrible it was coming dwelling to an empty apartment with all of my partner's things gone, then of a sudden having to take care of this niggling human being who had his face."
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17. "My son was born a little over a year agone. He wasn't planned. My wife and I welcomed him into our lives with open artillery. We loved and cared for him (and still exercise), and we are trying our best to provide him with a peachy life. But for me, doing everything I can to provide him with a great life is, in essence, sucking my soul out of me."
—u/frizzhf
eighteen. "I love my son — I would die for him; I'd kill for him if I had to. Yet if I could get back in time and not have children, I would. I was not prepared for a child, even though we planned this pregnancy. I was not prepared for how much I'd lose myself and my whole identity. I was not prepared for the slumber deprivation, the constant screaming, the colic. I call back that overall, I had a very bad experience. I was very, very sick later having a baby. I will NEVER let my son know this; I volition NEVER let my son feel that he is unloved or unwanted. It was not his pick to exist built-in."
—u/dontwantanaccount
xix. "I call back this is a conversation that more than women especially should have. Yous are close to being burned at the pale if yous confess that, really, if you could turn dorsum the clock, you wouldn't have children. I experience that these conversations may end perpetuating this thought that if you're a adult female, y'all will automatically admire your children, and let you know that you accept more options than just having children. Women do also go through things such equally postpartum depression, and maybe others talking virtually it won't make them feel so guilty and alienated."
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Parents weren't the simply ones to speak up in the Reddit thread. Several people shared their perspectives as children in these situations too:
20. "My mother indicate-bare told the states that she didn't want children and my father had begged and begged her for me. Then my younger sister was an accident. It's e'er been an awkward, very strained, and very tainted relationship. For a long fourth dimension, I held a ton of resentment and disgust for her. It's made me into what I consider to exist a pretty bang-up parent, though. I wanted children, and even knowing I'd exist giving upwards sleep and freedoms, I wanted them to KNOW that they were wanted, planned for, adored."
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21. "I recall having to stop at my dad's piece of work, the receptionist leading me back to his part, and her gushing well-nigh what a corking guy he is and what a diligent worker he is to put in then much overtime. Merely listening to this woman fail to realize that she was describing an absent father, and a mean one at that."
—u/RealNewsyMcNewsface
22. "My mom just forgot we existed and had another baby to keep herself happy. I have 10 siblings."
—u/joshpum
23. "I was conceived to replace a baby boy who died. My mom was so disappointed that I was a girl, she forgot my name for a while, and now I accept ii middle names."
—u/Coloradorawks
24. "I was an unwanted child. My mom and not-bio dad married when I was immature. He raised me, but I never felt beloved from him at all. He married her to go her out of a bad situation. I thought he didn't want kids, simply when I was about 5, my sis was born. He wanted kids. He just didn't desire me. I saw how different he was with her and with his other kids they had later. Those who have kids they don't desire — those kids are enlightened on some level."
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You tin can read the full thread of responses on Reddit.
Note: Some responses accept been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness is one-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more 25 countries who back up efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-2253 (4.A.Kid); service tin can be provided in over 140 languages.
My Whole Family Wants to Be There When My Baby Is Born Reddit
Source: https://www.buzzfeed.com/stephenlaconte/parents-who-dont-want-their-kids-reddit